Recovery, fitness and other uncomfortable truths about my post-baby body
Getting used to this postpartum body of mine has been challenging, to say the least.
I’m not referring to the fact that it looks different. Very different. That, I was prepared for.
What I wasn’t prepared for was how foreign it would feel to me; the constant aches; the exhaustion from trying to mother, keep a home, show up in my relationship and in my work each day; and the tremendous ways that it has stretched and grown over the last year, while housing and sprouting a life inside of it.
Caring for my postpartum body, at times, has felt overwhelming. What’s been especially difficult, though, has been regaining my strength through physical activity.
As I write this, I am four months postpartum. And my journey to becoming physically fit again has been somewhat different than I imagined it would be.
I remained active throughout my pregnancy. Not just because my doctor assured me it was good for the baby and for laboring, but because It was important to me. It made me feel good. Even as the months passed and my pregnancy progressed, and my strength and stamina waned, I kept at it. For no reason other than I am just happier when I move my body.
Then I delivered my sweet baby boy. And my postpartum journey began.
The first several weeks are purely about surviving. You’re incredibly sore and weak and operating on very little sleep. The thought of physical exercise is almost laughable. All there is to do, really, is rest and honor your body as it heals.
Like it always does, time passes. And with each day, you feel your body become less and less sore and out of sorts. Eventually, assuming all is ok, you receive clearance from your physician to begin exercising again.
For women who enjoy working out, this is a huge postpartum milestone. You miss moving the way you used to. You miss working up a great sweat. You miss exhausting your muscles. You may even miss waking up the day after an intense workout and feeling so sore that you wince while you sit down on the toilet to pee.
Your mind says you are as ready as ever. But when you go to workout, your body says ‘hold up…things are different now.’
Your muscles, joints and ligaments are much more tender than you remember; they’ve been strained in ways that don’t quite let you pick up where you left off, before you became pregnant and birthed your baby.
This is where I am these days on my fitness journey.
I’ve read that it can take up to a year for the body to really heal itself after pregnancy. I am closing in on being half way there, and with every passing day I believe this will probably be the case for me.
Physically, I am much, much weaker than I’ve ever been. My stamina has all but disappeared. Every time I workout, I get the sense that, if I am not extremely careful and methodical in my movement, I will injure myself. I can’t tell you how many times over the last couple of months that I’ve pulled a muscle while performing very basic exercises like squats or modified burpees - things I have done a thousand times before .
I don’t know exactly what I was expecting of myself postpartum, but it definitely wasn’t this.
My body continues to have an incredibly tough time keeping up with my mind. It is almost irrelevant how physically fit I was before I became pregnant, because, in many ways, I am starting from scratch.
There are moments when I feel defeated. But most of the time, I find ways to rise to the occasion. My workouts look a lot different, but it feels really great to show up anyways.
It helps to try and focus on workouts that I can actually do. Because if I can actually do it, then I will enjoy it and do it more often. Activities such as low intensity steady state cardio, gentle yoga and pilates flows, and basic strength training exercises are all helping me regain my strength and get some tone and definition back in my body.
Including more micro workouts throughout the day has also been great for me. These are short little bursts of activity that can last as little as 60 seconds or as long as 10 minutes. Sometimes I’ll do a series of squats while I wait for my coffee in the morning, or do walking lunges when I’m going from one room to the other, or a short pilates flow from Melissa Wood Health.
Performing micro workouts can help you build strength and increase your stamina without overdoing it and increasing your risk for potential injury.
Making sure I am consistent has also helped. There have been plenty of moments over the last few months since I gave birth that I want to fold and pass on working out. But as long as I am not experiencing any pain or trying to heal a pulled or overworked muscle, I show up - no matter how tired, achy or discouraged I feel about the results I’m not yet seeing.
My commitment to consistency hasn’t only helped me rebuild myself physically - it’s done wonders for me mentally and emotionally as well. Knowing that I am showing up, putting in the work and doing my best has helped boost my confidence even if the results are not quite where I want them to be yet.
Despite the difficulties, there is one thing about my postpartum experience that I am actually thankful for: that I am finally learning to be patient and accepting of myself.
Before giving birth, I cannot recall a single time in my life that I was truly kind to my body. Never once have I been accepting of it as it was, or not somehow demanding more from it.
While I am eager to feel like me again, to have the energy and ability to move like I used to, I am learning that I can’t do any of this without accepting my body’s current state and what it’s been through - a remarkable journey that has given me the greatest, most magical gift that I am endlessly grateful for. The least I can do is acknowledge, listen to and care for it so it can properly heal.
I have also learned that it is pointless to wonder if my body will ever be the same again. Of course it won’t. I have a new body now. And every day is another opportunity to learn what it is capable of. I don’t know what it will look or feel like in a few months or a year from now but I know that we will figure it out, together. One day at a time.
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